When love hurts more than it heals, when you give more than you receive, when love lies, manipulates and betrays, I ask myself:
Is it love when you cry because of his cheating? Is it love when you argue his lies? Is it love when it burns inside of you because you know he is with her? Is it love the void you feel when he kisses you?
When love has to be forgiven time and again is NOT love…
Is not love towards him, it is an obsession to own someone that does not want to be owned, is a desperate attempt to fill your own void, to give everything you are to someone who doesn’t need it. Is to abandon yourself and humiliate in front another because you don’t have the courage to love yourself.
The fear to confront him, to leave him… to have to see yourself face to face, to give explanation and to acknowledge that you were with him precisely to not be with you that fear does not allowed you to leave him.
-I don’t know how or when I understood it-
I’m afar from you and me, in the middle of a “do not forget me” that I haven’t been able to say but I’m close to the end.
To leave you I have to recognize that the fault is mine, the fight against your lying was really a fight against me, I never wanted to see that it was me punishing myself in your name.
I, without realizing, justified your acts; force myself to believe you, suffered in silence. I endure everything; I did everything but to love me.
I guess there were a few left over of love inside of me that didn’t gave up, although I was blind they made me see that all the love I gave you I deserve it back, all love I gave you was mine, It never was meant for you.
… when love is real is not abandoned. Then I leave you, I’m going to find myself.
(Love is love when you love yourself so much that you can love someone else)
Laura Barrera Iglio